得閑齋: 拿什么留住你，我的爱？

原作者：
来源Crucial characteristics of lasting love
译者arcticice

Crucial characteristics of lasting love

经久不衰的爱情关键特点

First comes that split second of physical attraction. Next, that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when the veil of romance starts to lift, what's life really like off the dance floor?

首先是身体吸引的瞬间，接着，是令人心颤的来电的感觉。但是，当慢慢揭掉浪漫的面纱时，回归平淡的生活真正是什么样的呢？

Too often, love is blind

经常，爱情是盲目的

When Jenny and Michael met, they were instantly attracted to each other. Those electrifying sparks started flying. In an exciting whirlwind of parties and romantic dates, they swept each other off their feet. They decided to get married and live happily ever after. Years later the hormones had calmed down (and so had the fireworks). When the smoke cleared, the mismatches started to emerge. Her passion to shop and his questionable money decisions created constant financial stress. He liked to hang with the guys and play sports. She loved to go to the theater with friends. They disagreed on children and family values, especially religion. Communication broke down. Eventually, they grew apart.

当珍尼和迈克尔相遇时，他们立即相互吸引了，电光开始飞溅四射。在一些激动人心的闪电式派对和恋爱约会后，他们相互为对方所倾倒。他们决定结婚，从此永远幸福地生活在一起。几年后，荷尔蒙（还有激情）都平静下来。当烟幕散尽后，开始出现失谐。她对购物的热情以及他不太对劲的消费决策，导致了持续的经济压力。他喜欢和男友一起打发时间或者做些运动。她爱和朋友一起去电影院。他们对待孩子和家庭的观念，尤其是宗教方面都有分歧。双方没有了交流。最后，分手了。

Sound familiar? A physical match is essential at the start, but the excitement of a budding new romance eventually wears off. Making thoughtful dating decisions can mean the difference between revolving relationships and finding lasting love.

听起来很熟悉？在最开始，外表匹配很关键，但是正萌芽的新恋爱史的激情最终会消退。是否作出深思熟虑的相亲决策，可以决定（你将收获）走马灯式情感关系，还是经久不衰之爱。

1. Physical appearance

1 外表

While physical appearance and attraction draw two people together at first, these aspects will affect the rest of their lives. If working out and staying fit is important to you, will it bum you out if your mate doesn't share your quest for rock-hard abs?

虽然一开始是外表和吸引力把两个人吸引到一起，但是这些方面会影响他们的余生。假定运动和健身对你非常重要，而你的伴侣不象你一样追求硬硬的腹肌，这会驱散你的热情吗？

2. Emotional maturity

2 情绪成熟性

Is this person emotionally mature and centered or still lugging around some trunk-sized baggage? How does your sweetheart relate to family and friends? Is he or she emotionally supportive or have control issues? Is your mate aware of his or her own issues and interested in addressing them?

这个人情绪成熟、以情绪为中心的，还是仍然背着一些重重的（情感）包袱呢？你的爱人与家人和朋友的关系怎么样？她或他是善解人意体贴人还是有控制欲问题？你爱人意识到他或她自己的问题并乐于交流吗？

3. Lifestyle choices

3 生活方式的选择

This includes career and social lives, common interests, leisure time activities and energy levels. Would she rather join the bowling league or the metropolitan symphony? Does he have lots of energy for activities with friends while she'd rather rest and chill out at home?

这包括职业和社会生活、共同兴趣、闲暇活动和体能水平。她宁愿加入保龄球队或都市交响乐队吗？是不是他对于朋友之间的活动精力充沛而她宁愿呆在家里休息放松？

4. Financial compatibility

4 经济上谐调性

This is a hot bed for most couples. It includes income levels, savings goals and views on handling money. How do you each want to spend, save and invest? Is one person a spender while the other saves? Is one person financially responsible while the other plays catch-up with child support and bills?

对大多数配偶来说，这是（滋生事端的）温床。它包括收入水平、储蓄目标以及消费观。你们各自想要怎么去消费、储蓄和投资呢？一个人是花钱狂而另一个人存钱吗？一个人经济上有责任心而另一个人则抚养孩子和负担各种帐单（以努力达到一致）吗？

5. Value structure

5 价值观体系

This area is often overlooked but has a tremendous impact on your life. It includes the big values: honesty, integrity, loyalty, views on family and children, religion and spirituality, life goals and the treatment and care for others. Does your mate follow through on promises made? Would you say this person is trustworthy? Will you always be there for each other in a pinch?

这方面通常被忽视了，但是它对生活有巨大影响。它包括重大价值观：诚实、正直、忠诚，对待家庭和孩子的观念、宗教和属灵、生活目标以及待人接物。你的伴侣会一直遵守自己的承诺吗？你会说这个人是可信赖的吗？在重要关头，你们会一直守在彼此身边吗？

6. Marriage and intimacy

6 婚姻和亲密无间

Everyone does not share the same idea of marriage. The big questions to address are: What do you and your mate expect from marriage? Is he or she looking for a soul mate? Do you both want close intimacy beyond the physical aspect, including with your friendships and in private communications with each other?

不是每个人对婚姻的看法都是一样的。要提出的重大问题是：你和爱人期待从婚姻中得到什么？她或他在寻找灵魂伴侣（心心相印的人）吗？你们俩都想要一种除了肉体之外的亲密无间的关系吗（包括你们之间的友谊和私下的相互交流）吗？

7. Intelligence

7 才智

Having similar education levels increases your chances of sharing matching school and social experiences, intellectual interests and career goals. What topics do you and your honey like to talk about? Conversation limited to sports or shopping may get boring to someone who likes to ponder philosophy and bluster about business.

具有差不多的教育水平能增加共同享有差不多的毕业学校和社会经历、知识兴趣和职业目标的可能性。你和爱人喜欢谈论什么样的话题？对于一个喜欢思考经营哲学和大话生意的人来说，局限于运动和购物的话题会令他厌烦。

While you don't have to match exactly in each area, look at the big picture and make sure you match closely enough in the important areas of your life to up your chances of finding a love that will go the distance.

然而，不必在各个方面都完全匹配，着眼大局，确保恋人在生活中重大方面与你够匹配，以增加你找到一份持久不衰之爱的可能性。

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